Screaming Parents Harm Their Children - Why?
Experts explain that yelling at children damages self-esteem and predisposes to depression.The oppositional and rebellious behavior of our children can sometimes make us lose our temper. Parental frustration in the face of behaviors that we deem wrong by children can easily translate into screaming and punishment.
Some studies have also shown that regularly scolding children has effects on their development and self-esteem, as well as having the opposite effect, that is, making us appear even weaker in their eyes. Dr. Alan Kazdin, professor of child psychology and psychiatry at Yale University, author of manuals and several studies on the subject, has long argued, explaining that screaming and scolding children constantly has an effect equal to that of physical violence on the subject. their emotional state and has heavy repercussions also on the image that the parent gives of himself.
The point is not to scold the child who is in danger or making a gesture that jeopardizes his safety, but to regularly use the scream as a form of correction and education in the home.
The negative effects
According to experts, screaming constantly and the habit of scolding children would damage the emotional and character development of children, with an increased risk of suffering from low self-esteem and depression. In addition, a parent who screams is really scary and terrifies the child: mum or dad are the most important figures for him, those who care for him, pamper him, feed him and when they lose control they become monsters. All this generates a deep sense of insecurity in the child.
How not to scream with children
How to avoid falling into the mistake of regularly using the scream as a weapon of correction or even as a form of daily communication? We should first of all realize if we are not unwitting "screaming parents" too. Maybe we often use a tone of voice that is too high, or stress and fatigue make the nervousness that assails us also show through the way we talk to our children or scold them when necessary.
Here are some practical tips:
• we use the weapon in humor even when we scold children;
• we use positive reinforcement, that is, before reproaching, we emphasize the good that the child has done and at the same time show him, even in words, that we understand (or try to understand) the reason for his behavior.
Parental authoritarianism
Let us ask ourselves what kind of parent we want to be: the authoritarian parent is the one who has the belief that children should be punished for bad behavior and rewarded for good behavior. It is a concept that is basically quite familiar to us: many of our parents have applied this method, in some ways elementary, in everyday life.
But today, with the exchange of knowledge and studies that have focused more on the effects of different educational methods on children's development, we know that not always the best method: we know that punishment often doesn't work, it will make the parent feel better that it will receive immediate satisfaction, but it will not change a child's behavior.
Because punishments are useless
According to Kazdin, the damages and negative effects of punishment are manifold:
• cause resentment in the child who will be less and less willing to cooperate;
• they cause psychological damage, and not only physical but also verbal punishment, such as yelling, increase the risk of bad behavior at school, a tendency to lie, aggression;
• prevents children from developing their "inner moral compass": punishment does not teach children to do the right thing, it will only push them to imitate the dominant behavior. In this way, as children grow up, they will not learn to think about their own needs, those of others, and look for a way that satisfies both of them.
So how can we keep the borders without punishing? The key is to communicate with children and help them understand why their behavior is unacceptable, while paying close attention to the words we use.
But we must carefully evaluate the words we use and how we use them, putting a pinch of irony and humor to be able to peacefully resolve a conflict, expressing the intention to satisfy everyone's needs.
Leave a comment