Parental separation, how to avoid trauma in children

The moment of separation of mum and dad is quite difficult for many children: here is what parents should do (and not do) to avoid trauma in their children

Children, at the time of their parents' separation , are often involved in the couple's quarrels. And they inevitably suffer from it. Parents should instead try to distinguish their role as a couple from that as parents to avoid further trauma in the child, already greatly proven by the fact that mom and dad have decided to break up. When the marriage, or the relationship, ends, the commitment of mum and dad to raise and protect their children together must remain valid. But unfortunately this, too often, does not happen and the children find themselves living in full the separation of their parents.

Tell them together.

The moment of parental separation is very difficult for every child. For this reason, parents should try to put aside their problems, at least in front of the children, to make them live this moment in the least traumatic way possible. First of all it is essential that the decision is communicated together with the child, looking for the most appropriate language, based on age, to give him this news. Furthermore, the child must be made to understand that the decision to separate is absolutely not related to him (or her). The child must understand that it is not his fault that the parents have decided to break up.

Not too much hope should be left to the child on the possibility that mom and dad will get back together sooner or later. Especially if the parents are convinced of their choice and want to rebuild a life without a partner. The child must then be left free to express his feelings and the pain he feels for this decision. Parents must make him understand that they are always available to listen to him and answer his questions. The love of the parents towards the child does not change, even if they have decided to break up. And this must be clear.

If parents think they have too many problems and that they are unable to limit their conflict even in front of their child, it is advisable to ask for help from a family member or a specialist who can help them to make their child live this moment with serenity.

The children must then be reassured that despite the separation of their parents, they will be able to count on their collaboration at any time. Therefore both parents should always attend school meetings or important moments for the child. Also, very importantly, neither parent should speak ill of the other to the child, trying to get him to take his side. The child is not guilty of the reasons why the parents break up and should not be forced to take a stand.

Finally, if one of the two parents (or both) becomes engaged to someone else, the presence of the new partner must not be imposed on the child, but must take place a little at a time, also to give the child the opportunity to understand that if for example, the dad has found another woman, this will not lead to changes in his life or the love that the dad feels for him (or her).